Friday, January 4, 2019

The Seven Stepsisters: book 1, Elizabeth chapter 1

Well, I have 11 chapters and I shall be a pretty poor prune if I don't get the book completed in the next 11 days!
The premise of this series is that an impoverished mother of 4 girls [two of them her stepdaughters] is asked to be the chaperone to the eldest daugher of a widower with three daughters.  If all is satisfactory he hopes to retain her services for his other daughters.  Part of the offer is to bring her children out as well.  Naturally, the widow and the widower are also flung quite close together ...  In Elizabeth, the oldest stepdaughter has few hopes of attracting a beau, since she is not beautiful or wealthy, but she unexpectedly attracts the attentions of  a man who chooses to be less than frank with her.  Meanwhile, her mother's heavily moralistic [and unwelcome] suitor from Bath comes up to town and leaps to some damning and shocking conclusions.  The girls have to continue as though there is no scandal, aided by Elizabeth's swain. The year is 1812


Chapter 1

Leontina Ambleside gave the sort of unladylike squeal of excitement which would have called down a reproof on the heads of any of her four daughters at the day-school they attended. 
Strictly speaking, only the two younger girls, Jane and Anne, were Leontina’s daughters, since Elizabeth and Catherine were her step-daughters, but at two years old, and a few months old respectively, when she married their papa, Elizabeth and Catherine had known no other mother, and both called, and thought of, Leontina as ‘Mama’,
“Miss Pritchard says that squealing is unnecessary,” said twelve-year-old Anne.  “What is it, Mama, that you made poor Catherine spill her tea?  Ow!”
“Don’t criticise Mama like that,” said Elizabeth, having poked her sister.
“Did I make you spill your tea, Catherine?  I do beg your pardon,” said Leontina.  “I confess I was both taken aback and quite excited.  It is a letter from a man ….”
Mama!” Elizabeth’s eyes twinkled.  “A billet doux?”
“Nothing of the sort!”  Leontina flushed. “Not that I am in any way too old for such communications, and as you know, I have received more than one offer since your dear Papa died, but … where was I?”
“Receiving a not-billet doux,” said Jane.
“Indeed, so I was,” said Leontina.  “Your grammar is execrable, Jane, and you with ambitions to be an author!”
“But you know what I meant, Mama,” said Jane, at fourteen, determined to live unwed on the proceeds of writing famous and serious books.
“Yes, but it’s hardly the point,” said Leontina, severely.
“I do not think I want you to remarry, Mama,” said Catherine.  “We are so happy as we are.”
“Don’t be so selfish, Cat,” admonished Elizabeth.  “And please permit Mama to tell us what this is all about, if it’s not another proposal from poor Mr. Buckley, which it is not, for the handwriting on the outside is quite different, and with far more personality.”
“Yes, we want to know,” said Anne.
“If you do not all permit me to tell you the whole, you shall remain quite in ignorance until we reach London,” said Leontina, trying to sound severe.
Lon …?”  Anne clapped both her hands firmly to her mouth, to show she did not mean to interrupt.
“London,” reiterated Leontina.  “And we have your Aunt Agatha to thank, since she has recommended me to one of her husband’s relatives, a widower, who is looking for a chaperone and hostess to bring his oldest daughter out.  He is willing, Elizabeth, for you to come out with, er ….” She checked the letter, “With Diana, and for the rest of you to be company for Flora and Minerva, with the expectation, if all goes well, that I shall act for them in a like capacity.”
“You quoted that last sentence verbatim, Mama; too pompous for you,” said Elizabeth.
Leontina laughed.
“Perhaps, but do not say so to Mr. Attwood!”
“Never, I swear!” Elizabeth agreed.  “It is exceedingly good of him to permit me to come out alongside his own daughter; perhaps Aunt Agatha has told him that I am little and dumpy, and no competition, even when clad in fine feathers, for the clothes you make, Mama, are quite as fine, I wager, as any to be seen in London.”
“Well, not quite, my love, for we do not have the resources for the most expensive fabrics, like gold-shot and spangled muslins, or even embroidered muslins, though I did not do a bad job of embroidering the hem and bodice of that overgown I made you, if I say so myself … which is beside the point, and you are sidetracking me again.  We do very well with our gowns, though,” said Leontina.
“Such romantic names!” sighed Catherine.
“And romantic names are a trial when people cannot remember them, or make fun of you for them,” said Leontina, severely. “Having been inflicted with one, myself,  and having born being called “Sick Lion’ as one of the girls I knew in my youth said I sounded like some kind of disease associated with lions, I was very pleased to have girls with nice, ordinary names which are never outlandish, never governed by fashion, and do not make people stare.”
“Or make fatuous comments like Cat,” said Jane.
“I don’t believe you even know what fatuous means,” said Catherine. “You are always unkind to me, Jane,” and her eyes filled with tears.
“A little less unkindness from you, Jane, and no tears at the breakfast table from you, Catherine,” said Leontina. “Anyone would think you were being sent to boarding school, not offered a high treat!  And I am sure that I can ask Miss Pritchard to take any one of you as a boarder while the rest of us are in London, if you show yourself to be too immature to go, and to behave yourselves nicely in the home of other girls.”
This was a threat which silenced them all, and Catherine’s tears dried in an instant.  Leontina might lose herself in speech from time to time, but she had no trouble keeping discipline amongst her brood.
Leontina took herself to the study to write a reply to Mr. Attwood, and the girls exchanged looks.
“Is Mama being paid for this?” asked Anne.
“She’s bound to be,” said Elizabeth.  “It would hardly be worth her while, otherwise, unless it was a favour for someone she knew, which is entirely different.  And she does not speak of him as though she knew him.”
“I hope he won’t think her foolish, for her habit of falling into half-sentences, and decide he wants someone else; I’d hate to miss having a subscription at a London lending library,” said Jane.
“If he thinks her foolish, he is the fool,” said Elizabeth.  “Mama is as shrewd as can be under her rather fluttering exterior.  It’s because of the way she was taught by her governess to seem frail and helpless, not having the advantages of the education we have had, to be able to discourse, discuss and debate, and to write a good essay. But Papa never thought her foolish, or he would not have choosen her to be a mama to two infants.  I am sure that unless Mr. Attwood is quite idiotic, he will recognise that she is more than capable of launching his eldest daughter.”
“You make her sound like a ship,” giggled Jane.
“I suspect it’s almost as much trouble,” sighed Elizabeth.




“Do we know what this lady is like, Papa, who is going to be our chaperone?” asked Diana, apprehension lurking in her eyes.
“Not having met her, I cannot be entirely certain,” said Edward Attwood, curbing his urge to make a sarcastic comment to his less than self-assured eldest daughter.  “However, Aunt Agatha grants her the encomium of being efficient, which she  tempers with the comment that ‘dear Leontina is too soft hearted,’ by which one may assume that the good lady is not as daunting as one might expect to find someone dubbed as ‘efficient’ by Aunt Agatha.”
Diana shuddered.
“No, indeed!” she cried. “Oh, I know it is selfish, but I do hope that Mrs. Ambleside’s eldest daughter is not a beauty, or at least not graceful and accomplished, and likely to show me up!”
“If she is a beauty, and accomplished and graceful, you must remember that personality is more lasting than beauty,” said Edward, firmly, wishing that he had not sent the girls to school for a while.  Diana was at the gawky stage and was clumsy and he suspected that she had been the butt of teasing or worse to change from a happy-go-lucky tomboy into being so uncertain.   He added, “There is nothing wrong with your looks, you are very pretty.  You are a trifle heedless, which leads to clumsiness since you had a growing spurt, but you will grow out of it when you are used to being so much taller.”
Diana sighed.
“I know,” she said.  “If I only had to impress horses, not young men, I should be quite equal to the task.”
“You worry about it too much, and then get flustered,” said Flora, the middle Attwood girl, just a year younger than Diana.
“It’s all very well for you, Flo, you float across the floor like a zephyr,” said Diana.
“Gracious, I am glad I’ll be too young for all this,” interposed Minerva.  “Did you say she has younger daughters too, Papa?”
“Yes, she has four daughters, though I believe the two elder ones are stepdaughters,” said Edward.
“We must make them all feel welcome,” said Minerva, “And ascertain if the stepdaughters feel at all left out or ill-used, and be kind to them.”
“You read too many fairy stories,” declared Flora.
“But essentially she is right, we must make them all feel welcome as guests, and not mere adjuncts to Mrs. Ambleside,” said Diana. 
“I only hope they will not try to encroach or throw their weight about,” said Flora.
“Flo, leave the gloomy predictions alone; we shall find out what they are like when we meet them, and if you play off any haughty airs in anticipating trouble, they will respond in kind,” said Diana.
“There’s my wise girl; well said,” approved Edward.  “They are named Elizabeth, Catherine, Jane and Anne, so we shall not have two girls with the same name in the household.”
“Oh, dear, rather ordinary names,” said Flora.
“I should have preferred an ordinary name, that one cannot be teased about,” declared Minerva.  “Diana is not a name which excites much teasing, nor Flora.  But at school, just because I jumped once when I was startled, because one of the girls fashioned a bag out of paper, blew it up and burst it behind me, her cronies started calling me ‘Nervy’.  They hid it in front of the teachers by calling me ‘Minervy’ which the preceptresses thought was just country ways, but I knew what they meant.  And even my own set burdened me with ‘Minney’ and everyone though my baptismal name must be ‘Mary’.  And it’s the ugliest of all the pet names for Mary as well.  Why, an Elizabeth may be Lizzie, or Eliza, Beth, Betty or Betsey, as the mood takes her.”
“I had no idea you felt so deeply about it,” said Edward.  “I am sorry to have given you a name you hate, though the more I hear and guess about that dratted school, the more I regret sending you girls there with what sound like a nasty bunch of girls.”
“Oh, I do not mind being Minerva as a general thing, and at home, Papa, now you have said I might leave school and learn housewifely skills now Diana is Out,” said Minerva, hastily.  “And it is nice to be named for a goddess of wisdom.  And one of her epithets is Coria, the maiden, and Cora is a good name if I want a change.  Some of her epithets I can’t even pronounce, though, and lots of them are ugly.  Who’d want to be ‘Coryphasia’ after all!” she giggled.
“Do you know what it means?” asked her father.
“Yes, Papa, it means, ‘of the head’, because Minerva was born from Jupiter’s head fully armed.  That must have been a monumental megrim he suffered right beforehand, though.”
“Good girl,” said Edward.  “And believe me, it’s nothing to the headache any papa has when his girls are all grown up!”
“Papa!”
They all laughed, and Edward sighed.
“Your schoolfellows are silly girls to spoil your name so.”
“I confess I’ve called her ‘Min’, Papa,” said Diana.  “When she’s called me ‘Di’, when she was too young to understand me punning on ‘dye’ by saying ‘what colour’ to her.”
“And I don’t like being ‘Flo’, but you all call me it,” said Flora. “I have a lovely name encompassing a huge garden of names, and I wish everyone would remember it.”
“We shall endeavour to do so, and to make sure that our visitors recall it too,” said Diana, since her sister was starting to pout.  Flora could sulk, given an excuse.  “How old are they, Papa?”
“Elizabeth is your age, Diana,” said Edward.  “Flora is next in age, at a year younger.  Minerva and Catherine are of an age at sixteen, and Jane and Anne are only fourteen and twelve respectively.”
“Mere children, then,” said Minerva, in some satisfaction. “The will not be likely to be too much trouble then.”
“Unless they are spoilt and allowed to tease their stepsisters,” said Flora.
“I cannot imagine anyone who is both efficient and soft-hearted permitting that,” said Edward, mildly.  “Moreover, Mrs. Ambleside wrote to me to accept the position and spoke of ‘my four dear girls,’ so it is apparent that she makes no distinction between them.  You do read too many fairy stories, Minerva, my dear, to have imagined that and worried Flora. Still, at least in doing so you have improved your French.”
“Oh, Papa!  I never really believed in wicked stepmothers,” declared Minerva.  “It’s all a hum to allow for silly plotlines in novels as much as in fairy stories.  Anyone who is ready to take on the care of stepchildren must be a caring person who loves children, or loves their stepchildren’s father enough to try hard with them for his sake.”
“What a romantic child you are,” said Flora, scornfully.  “Some women marry widowers for their titles of money and do not care about the children. “
“Any man who has not watched a prospective bride with his own children to see how she acted with them, and what the children thought of her, would surely have rats in his attic,” said Minerva.
“You’re used to having a clever Papa,” said Diana. “I fear too many men will take an attractive woman at her own estimation, and believe that she dotes on children.”
“That was catty enough for Flo, Flora, I mean,” said Minerva.
“Well one must be realistic,” said Diana.  “Marrying for love is an ideal, but one has to compromise ideals to be comfortably situated.  We are fortunate to have the likelihood of comfortable existence even if we all dwindle into ageing spinsterhood, but if Mrs. Ambleside needs to be paid to be a chaperone, then her daughters are not so fortunately situated.”
“You don’t think this Elizabeth will set her cap at Papa do you?” cried Flora  in lively horror. 
Diana laughed.
“Not for one moment had that thought entered my head,” she declared. “I was just reflecting that I was fortunate compared to Elizabeth, who needs to make the most of her season, whereas I can afford not to ‘take’, so my clumsiness is of less moment.  I expect Elizabeth will be glad if anyone offers for a girl with no dowry, even if she is ravishingly beautiful.  The Gunning sisters are still a legend because their story is so unusual, two penniless but beautiful girls each marrying a duke.”
“I see what you mean,” said Flora, trying not to preen over her own effortless grace.
“I do hope, Diana, that you and Elizabeth will be friends, not rivals,” said Edward. 
“I have not made an enemy of one of my own sex yet,” said Diana. “I’m too lazy to want a rivalry.”
“You are to amiable for anyone to dislike you,” said Minerva.  “Even if some of those rotten girls teased you about your clumsiness.”
“It doesn’t matter,” said Diana.
“And we, your sisters, will watch out to make sure these girls do not attempt to undermine you,” said Flora.
Edward laughed.
“Just wait and see what they are like,” he said.


Wednesday, January 2, 2019

I won an award!

I submitted 'The Valiant Viscount 'to the Jane Austen Readers.... and this is the wonderful editorial review!



Editorial Review:

A gentleman’s fortune is subject to the property he owns and its asset value. Poor Lucius, Viscount Rokemore’s inheritance is somewhat dilapidated. Unfortunately all avenues of raising a loan are exhausted. The humiliating prospect of a convenient marriage to a rich heiress is for Rokemore an outrageous proposition. As an alternative he turns to a sporting pastime with great hopes of quadrupling his finances. A strict training regime takes priority. With triumphal victories guineas fall from heaven. In the meanwhile, his gallant nature proves extremely fortunate and results in a charmingly romantic affair, itself incurring unforeseen danger. But Rokemore is a true knight in a frockcoat, and with wonderful sense of historical atmosphere, the author needles a well written, well-researched tapestry of one man’s sheer determination to rebuild his ailing estate and owe not a penny to a living soul. Therefore it is a great pleasure to bestow a Georgian Award to Sarah Waldock, for The Valiant Viscount.

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Quick discussion on Jane and Caleb

I'm close to wrapping this one, and barring the extra bits my editor will make me add [Bald! give me more description, I want to see/hear/smell it!]  it's complete- I will post both of the final chapters tomorrow.
So, the next Jane and Caleb is going to involve Peterloo, where one of the bodies which has been gathered shouldn't be there.  [Yes, I know Ellis Peters has done it before, but in the time honoured tradition of hiding a pebble on a beach, I couldn't resist].  Now, I am considering bringing in a couple of side mysteries to run with the tradition I am starting of solving three cases at once, a format which I rather enjoy, as it allows me to throw red herrings at the audience.  So I am looking to have some more things happening in Manchester.  And I am wondering if they are there because Caleb has been sent to break up illegal prize fighting, which is sponsored by an aristocrat so that they need his tact and connections, with the prize fighting covering something ... hinky. 
I'm thinking of using Dempsey Morville or Theodore Farnsted having family near Manchester to introduce things as another possibility.
I have a few plot outlines still for J&C, including one which takes them to Jamaica but I need to make it sufficiently realistic for suspension of disbelief.  I hope you are enjoying the format of solving three mysteries at once, as i am enjoying writing them.

Sunday, December 23, 2018

cover for Jane and the Actresses


cast list for Jane and the Actresses


Cast List

Sir Caleb Armitage, Bow Street Officer, recently knighted
Lady Jane Armitage, his wife
Simon, their adoptive son. [mentioned but not present]
Cecily, their adoptive daughter
Jem Fowler, Caleb’s valet, butler, general factotum, bodyguard and crony
Ella, Fowler’s wife and Jane’s dresser, helpmate and confidante
Janey Fowler, their infant daughter [by rights, Jane Elizabeth]
Mrs. Ketch, the housekeeper
Jackie, Will and Daniel, three soldiers invalided out, who serve Caleb
Nat, a pug dog, of impeccable breeding
Toby, a dog, of mixed breeding.
Gabe Stogumber, Joe Halliwell and others, Bow Street Officers
George Ruthven, Principal Officer at Bow Street [real]
Sir Nathanial Conant, chief magistrate at Bow Street [real]
Grey and Jones, patrol officers at Bow Street
Elizabeth [Ellie] Smith, aka Esmerelda De Vere, actress and dancer
Lucy Clough, an orphan.
Mr. Clough, a wealthy man, deceased
Mrs. Forbes, Mr. Clough’s housekeeper


Persons connected with the case of the dead actress

Alice Drake, aka Alethea Fazackerly, the deceased
Jem Burton, her swain
Luke Sutton, Jem’s drinking buddy
Mr. Claude Abernethy, would-be protector to the late Alice
Daniel Dunn and James King, managers of the Royal Coburg theatre [historical]
Mikey Feltham, ‘Props’
Jack Benton, doorman at the Royal Coburg
Arthur Jackson, janitor at the Royal Coburg
Anna Abbot aka Minerva Mighty, another dancer
Mr. Adrian Letheridge, her protector
Jane Brown, aka Ambrosina D’Oyle, another dancer
Albert Jackaman, her protector, self-made man and shipping owner
Mary Conway, aka Clarice Neville, plays the lead
Dempsey Morville, her protector
Will Perth, an actor.
Simon Pemberton, an actor
Mordecai Cohen, an actor.
Minney, a dancer on loan from Covent Garden.
The Countess of Wilshaw, as an aside.
Marsden, a footman
Mr. Dent, a butler
Mrs. Dobson, a housekeeper


Persons connected with the case of the disappearing actress

Jenny Black, aka Guinevere Lenoir
Jack Benton, doorman at the Royal Coburg
Arthur Jackson, janitor at the Royal Coburg
Will Cade, an ex pugilist and ruffian
Gerard Falk, Marquess Falkrington
Viscount Aloysius Brexden
Lady Susan Brexden

Persons connected with the case of the frightened actresses

Agnes Shipton once aka Amiabella Love, a maimed actress
Sukey Larch aka Suzette L’arbour
Sir Henry Wixe, her lover
Betsy Stimpson, aka Antoinette Labelle
Lord Theodore Farnsted, her lover
Mary Conway, aka Clarice Neville 
Dempsey Morville, her protector
Arabella Grace, an actress
Katherine Williams, an actress of character parts
Will Cade, a ruffian
Mrs. Carew, a widow, owns a rooming house.

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Jane and the actresses 1

well, here I am back with an 8 chapter cushion.  I hope posting daily will kick my backside hard enough to keep going!  Jane has an unexpected encounter with a young woman who had a cameo role in a previous mystery and finds that the life of an actress or opera dancer can be fraught with dangers.


Chapter 1

“Look here, mai man, I knows Lidy Jane, I does; I’ve been to an ‘ouse party wiv her,”
The strident tones took Jane, who was half way down the stairs,  back to the time when she and Caleb had met Beau Popham, and their investigation into the murderous opera dancer.
Fowler’s carefully cultured and orotund tones appeared to have slipped in agitation in his reply.
“Ho, no you don’t, my girl, and it ain’t Lady Jane, nowise, it’s Lady Armitage.”
“Well whatever it is, I knows her, see? You cin ask.  She’s a reel lidy she is.”
Jane sighed, and stepped into view on the half landing, and began descending.
“Hello, Miss de Vere,” she said, with great restraint.
“See?” said Miss Esmeralda de Vere to Fowler. Jane was glad that she refrained from sticking out her tongue to him.  It would upset Fowler’s dignitas.
“Strewth!” said Fowler. “If you ain’t that young person wot put the nail in the coffin of that there Floradora female.”
“Fowler, you appear to have degenerated to the sound of Bow Bells;  I pray you amend this glaring solecism,” said Jane.
“Indeed, madam, I do apologise.  I was somewhat taken aback by the appearance of Miss de Vere, or as I believe one should properly call her, Miss Elizabeth Smith.”
“Well, I ain’t one to insist on me stage name, but Lidy Jane, you can call me Ellie,” said Miss de Vere, or Smith.
“Please, Miss Smith, or Ellie if you prefer, you are promoting me,” said Jane. “I should have to be the daughter of an earl, a marquis or a duke to be Lady Jane.  I am Lady Armitage but in light of our previous association, and if I am to call you ‘Ellie’, you should perhaps call me ‘Jane’.”
“Cor, ta, Jane, that’s real nice of you,” said Ellie, who did recognise what a concession it was, and looked mightily impressed.
Jane could not stomach being called ‘lidy’ anything. Especially by a young person whose blonde hair looked as though the colour owed some debt to artifice, and who had a voice like a corncrake.
“Come into the parlour; Fowler will bring tea,” said Jane.  “I trust you have overcome the shock of being so badly deceived by Jemima Harris, alias Floradora d’Ambrose?”
“Cor, yes.  Wot a liar that piece o’ goods was!” said Ellie.  “I mean, we all ‘as stage names, know wot I mean?  Arfter all, some of us have family wot don’t care to know us now we’re on stage, but it ain’t no reason to drag their name down. Not that ‘Smith’ is much of a name to drag down, but me sister looks like me, see, and if I ain’t goin’ as ‘Smith’ she can pass it off as coincidence if anyone see me on stage, but not if me name is the same as hers, see?” She paused to refill her apparently excellent lungs after a delivery worthy of a soliloquy of Hamlet.
“Yes, I understand,” said Jane.
“Yerse, well, it weren’t just ‘er name Jemima was lyin’ about, she lied about ‘er age, and when she told me she was a young girl wronged wot turned to actressing account of it, that was a lie too, because her pore fambly come to the trial,  oooh that was exciting!” she added parenthetically, “And it turns out she got into trouble with her pa’s apprentice, and had,” she dropped her voice dramatically, “An abortion!” and then she went on the street before she fetched up in Covent Garden as an actress and Opera Dancer.”
“My goodness!” said Jane, who could think of very little else to say.
“O’ course, I ‘ad to give my real name in court,” said Ellie, “But I didn’t ‘ave to say I was an actress, only that I’d befriended the defendant, that’s Jemima, you know, and believed she was a young girl who had attracted an older man who made a fool of ‘imself over ‘er.  Which ‘e did, right enough,” she added.
“Alas, yes,” said Jane.  “It appears that she closely resembled the woman he loved in his youth, who married another man.”
“Oh, that explines it proper,” said Ellie.  “Romeo! Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?  A rose by any other name would smell as sweet,” she added, with perfect diction.
Jane stared.
“Ellie, you have a beautiful speaking voice when delivering lines; better than Floradora at her best, after months of training in how to be a lady.  How on earth is it that you slip back into ....er, your vernacular?”
“’Abit,” said Ellie.  “And account of how this is me, see?  I don’t hold wiv playin’ a part offstage as you might say.  I weren’t that ‘appy about Jemima doin’ it, but if it were to please ‘er Malvolio, whatever the gager’s name was, I could see that, see?”
“Yes, quite,” said Jane.  “Mr. Henry Popham was his name.”
“Malvolio suited the pore ol’ fule better,” said Ellie.
Jane could not bring herself to entirely disagree.
“So, you have come to see me, and I doubt it was an entirely social visit,” said Jane.  “How can I help you?”
“Well, Lidy, uh, Jane, I means, it’s this wise,” said Ellie. “Nobody don’t care for actresses, and when one turns up dead, well it ‘appens, and you don’t make much fuss about it, see?  In case it’s you next.  And besides, the top actresses, they’ve got their own worries, wiv some kind o’ nasty business, and I don’t know wot it is, and I don’t want to.  Only a friend o’ mine’s gone missin’, and I don’t like it.”
“Tell me about it.”
“’Er name is Jenny Black, an’ she calls ‘erself Guinevere Lenoire.  Seemingly some mort who was bein’ rogered by King Arfur an’ half ‘is knights orl over the rahnd table was called Guinevere, an’ she ain’t treated like a whore by the poets, so I dunno, but anywise, that’s what Jenny picked.  An’ she tells me ‘Lenoire’ is frog for ‘Black’ and she orta know.  Talks French she does, and sounds like a toff, like you, Jane.”
“Possibly, like me, an impoverished relation of a country vicar who chose a career as an actress rather than marriage,” said Jane.
“That’d fit,” nodded Ellie.  “Anyway, I seen her talking to some swell cove, and next fing I know, Gawd, there she is gorn, and ‘er room cleared out too.”
“She did not take up an offer of better accommodation in return for being his chere amie?” asked Jane.
“If she’d been any man’s peculiar, why for would she disappear?  I’m afraid ‘e offered her that and took ‘er off for foul ceremonies or vivisection or summat,” said Ellie.
“And you think she may have died like the other girl you mentioned?”
“Nah, that weren’t anyfink to do wiv it:  I just mentioned Alice account of nobody doing nuffink about ‘er dying.”
“So you are saying she died, or was killed, and nothing was done?  That’s as outrageous as a girl being able to disappear without questions asked.   And can you be sure the two incidents were not related?  Because maybe Alice suspected something and was killed to stop her from talking.”
Ellie considered.
“Nah,” she said.  “The bas...ket wot cut her took all her jewelry.”
“Well murder in commission of a robbery should have been investigated,” said Jane.
“Nah, you don’t get it, Lidy ... Jane, I mean.  Alice, Alethea Fazackerly ‘er stage name was, didn’t have no good jewellery, only glass and fish scale pearls.  I dunno why it was took.  ‘Ere!  You means someone might of took ‘er jools to make it look like a robbery, and it were meant to be a disappearance?”
“It crossed my mind,” said Jane. 
“Well, that would put a different complexion on it,” said Ellie, frowning.  “And it would spite her gentleman friend wot give her the jools, though if you asks me, they wasn’t as pretty as the ones the props left in ‘er jool box for her costume;  if it’d been me, I’d of nicked some o’ them extras to wear rather than break them up to sew on her dress.  I’m dancing her part now, it’s a harem girl wiv a sultan and all thet sort of thing, cuh and they do shine nice,” she added. 
“Ellie,” said Jane, with great restraint, “Have you spoken to, er, props about the jewels?”
“Nah, why would I?” said Ellie.
“Well, Ellie, suppose someone, er, prigged some sparklers from swell morts and hid them in a Covent Garden girl’s jewel box, leaving directions for an accomplice to collect them later, who encountered Alice and killed her, taking the wrong jewels as the real ones were sewn to her dress.”
“It ain’t Covent Garden; I’m moonlighting to do ‘er role at the Royal Coburg[1].  Now they built the Waterloo Bridge, it ain’t but a couple of minutes to nip from one theatre to the other and do two shows a night; and the pay more’n makes up for paying the foot toll on the bridge,” said Ellie.  “Cor, Jane, you mean I’m dancing wiv real sparklers on me dress?” 
“I wouldn’t be at all surprised, Ellie, my girl, and seriously as I take your friend’s disappearance, I take it more seriously that this puts your life in danger, if the flash cove snabbled a heap of fawneys and gee-gaws and recognises any of it on your costume.”
“Cuh, Jane, even I don’t know that much cant!” Ellie was impressed.  “It don’t half sound funny in your voice.”
Jane smiled.
“Fawneys are rings, gee-gaws are small valuables.”
“Well it was more nor that, there was ear rings and bracelets and necklaces, and Alice said they must of been made up for some play and trust Props to leave her to have to take them apart and sew them on.  Cuh, she made a proper job with two pair o’ earrings, managed to hook them together and sewed them onto the bit over the bubbies, and don’t they dangle nicely and sway about!”
“I would imagine they would,” said Jane, trying not to imagine Ellie’s fairly ample bosoms with flashing jewels attached strategically, swinging about as she moved ... doubtless in a number of different directions at once.
Most of the men in the audience would be likely to find it quite hypnotic. Well, if it boosted the young woman’s pay, if they were real, she would get a finder’s fee and could replace them with glass.
“I’m gwine to ‘ave to give ‘em to that nice gent of a husband o’ yours, ain’t I?” said Ellie, mournfully.
“If they are indeed the real thing, I’m afraid so,” said Jane.  “And what’s more, he’ll be sleeping in your dressing room to guard you.  But you will at least get a finder’s fee, and I would advise you to spend a little more if you want to replace them, with foil-backed glass.  It sparkles more.”
“Catch me replacing them; if props didn’t provide them, ‘e orta of done,” said Ellie.  “Mind, I might replace them bubby tassels.  Right captivated the men in the front row are,” she said, beaming with innocent pleasure.
“I am sure that having something made up especially will be even more, er, captivating,” said Jane.  “And spangles are cheap enough now they are all made by machine.”
Ellie brightened.
“Yerse, and they’d catch the light proper-like,” she said.  “And I don’t need to sew them on like wot you do on a dress being seen close up.  Ta, Jane!”
“You’re welcome,” said Jane.  “Sir Caleb will be in soon, and then we can bespeak the carriage and go and look at your costume.”
“Well, if you don’t mind, I’ll ‘ave anover of them nice little cakes,” said Ellie.  “I gotta be careful abaht me figger, but they don’t seem ‘eavy.”
“They are Russian tea cakes, and they do rather melt in the mouth,” said Jane.  “Lady Lieven gave me the recipe for them.”
“Cor!  P’haps you can let me ‘ave a copy?  I ain’t a half bad cook when I got a kitchen,” said Ellie. “A girl has to have some skills wot will keep a man as well as them as catch ‘im in the first place, and a man might commit adultery, but ‘e don’t abandon a wife wot can feed ‘im good and proper.”
“That’s very sensible of you,” said Jane, reflecting that it was a sad thing that the poor girl had to think that way and felt herself unlikely to find true love.
Ellie beamed.
“And  that’s why I ain’t ‘olding out for as swell a cove as Jemima’s Malvolio,” she said.  “No point aiming for the moon!  A nice gent wiv a couple o’ ‘undred a year’ll do me nicely.”
“Yes, it’s enough for a nice little house with a cook-housekeeper, kitchen maid, lady’s maid, man servant and a girl of all work,” said Jane.  “And enough if your husband wants to keep a horse in a livery stable as well.”
“Yes, and even better if ‘e likes one o’ these yere draisines or ‘obby ‘orses,” said Ellie.  “The outlay ain’t no more’n a good ‘orse, and they don’t eat you outta ‘ouse and ‘ome.”
“Sir Caleb enjoys his,” said Jane.
“Well, there yer go,” said Ellie.  “Ere, was that the door?”
“I believe so,” said Jane, hoping that Fowler would warn his master about the visitor.
Caleb came in, and achieved a genial smile, bowing to Ellie as well as to Jane.
“Why, Miss Smith, what a surprise,” he said.
“Cor, you Bow Street Orficers ain’t ‘alf clever,” said Ellie.  “Your man knew my name and so do you!”
“Fowler is inestimable,” said Caleb.  “Jane-girl, why is he answering the door not Mostyn?”
“Mostyn is having a tooth drawn, and I advised him that when he got in he was to go to bed with a couple of drops of laudanum in hot chocolate,” said Jane. “He has been hiding misery for a couple of days.  I sent Jacky with him to manhandle him if need be, and see he gets home safe.”
“Ah, I feel for him,” said Caleb.  “I didn’t like to ask Fowler in case it was over some wager he had with Mostyn which he preferred not to speak about.”
“Speaking of wagers, did you win?” asked Jane.
“By a comfortable margin, Jane-girl,” said Caleb.  “You’d have enjoyed it if you’d been able to come.”
“Well, Frances is not often unwell,” said Jane. “And she has gone to sleep now, and the fever has abated.
“Strewf!” said Ellie.  “I never knew swell morts seed to their own kiddies!”
“Some of us do,” said Jane, “But I fear, in the main, you are correct, Ellie. And my apologies for talking over you a bit concerning Sir Caleb’s Draisine race.  His machine has some improvements he suggested, and Mr. Grey was keen to see it in action. They settled on a town route as Sir Caleb was confident his machine could leave any ordinary curricle standing in town traffic.”
“I did too,” said Caleb, “for one of Grey’s friends obliged.  Will made a killing on side bets for the lads, I believe. Now what are we doing for Miss Smith?”
Jane filled Caleb in quickly and incisively, taking a fraction of the time it had taken Ellie to cover the salient points.
“Well, give me time to sink a cup of tea, and we’ll be off to look at Miss Smith’s costume,” said Caleb.  “And let me ring for Fowler to pack me an overnight bag.”




[1] Now known as the Old Vic