I'm not sure if this should be dance of words or dances with bears [that reasoning will soon become apparent] , Stuff the Rooster [ditto] or Jeremi's Misfits. It is in the dance series, dance of rejects? anyway, give it a few chapters and see how it goes. I finished chapter 13 and I know exactly where it is going past the broad plan.
Chapter 1
“Anna-Maria, Lord Jeremi Skrzetuski has written formally to ask if you would like to be his page,” Joanna said to the older of the Finckówny girls.
“I believe that my education has proceeded to the point where an affirmative answer would lead to the most challenge and personal fulfilment,” said Anna-Maria, gravely.
Joanna grinned. Most girls would have just said ‘yes’, and left it at that, but Anna-Maria and her sister Janina had developed a level of prolixity of unprecedented complexity as armour against unwanted suitors, before they fled their father’s house and ended up in the school at ‘The Mews’, as the Sokołowscy’s dwór was known.
“I’ll write and tell him to expect you, then,” she said.
“I should have an allowance; but I do have some savings in the bank in Większy-Bydlin since I was prudent enough to set aside savings from my former allowance in case of emergency, so if I may be taken there, I can outfit myself suitably for the position.”
“We’ll outfit you,” said Joanna. “And when you come into your inheritance, you can make a donation to the school to help future children set themselves up.”
Anna-Maria considered.
“That would appear to be an eminently sensible and equitable arrangement,” she agreed.
Władysław rode with the dark-haired youth into the city of Większy-Bydlin. They ran into Starosta Młocki.
“Hello, Sokołowski, young relative of yours?” he asked. Anna-Maria was no longer lank of hair and pasty of skin due to her father’s disapproval of szlachcianki exercising or going outside. She glowed with health, her skin touched lightly by the sun, and such hair as remained in the czupryna she sported vibrant with life.
“Let’s not discourage that impression, shall we?” said Władysław. Młocki raised an eyebrow, and Władysław shrugged.
“You don’t want the whole story, old man; you might forget that you’re a Raven-in-law of sorts and remember that you’re starosta, and I really don’t want to talk to the starosta about the complexities.”
“I’ll remind him not to take any notice, then,” said Klemens Młocki. “If I don’t know of a technical legal irregularity, I don’t need to go looking for the parents of a runaway, as one might surmise.”
“Surmise all you like but do it on your own time,” said Władysław.
“Why, the only parent who has raised hell was one Lord Fincke, looking for his daughters; and so plainly this handsome lad is nothing to do with that,” said Młocki.
“As you say, cousin,” said Władysław. He even managed to agree with a straight face.
“Lord Młocki is plainly a Raven-in-law of perspicacity and sophistication in his deductive reasoning, a paradigm of judicial perfection,” said Anna-Maria.
“Constructive Falconisms,” said Władysław, gravely. “It’s the way the atramentous and caliginous ebon of our outfits work on the brain.”
“Oh, take her away and apprentice her wherever and don’t let me ask questions,” said Młocki. “You can stop by on the way back and sup with me and sleep over, and tell me hypothetical stories.”
“Delighted, my lord-brother,” said Władysław.
“He’s very accommodating,” said Anna-Maria as they rode on..
“He’s used to us,” said Władysław.
The bank, presented with a letter to provide Lady Anna-Maria’s representative with monies as required was happy to comply.
“Papa gave Janina and me a generous dress allowance,” Anna-Maria told Władysław. “We decided to bank most of it, when he sent us into the city with it, purchase some fabrics, and then array ourselves the same gowns the maids wear, because any true and puissant knight would, according to folktale, be able to pick out the szlachcianki by their air of true nobility. Alas, none of those thus presented were able to correctly ascertain the personae of their anticipated marital partners. Moreover, some of them were of a sufficiently intemperate nature towards servants, that one could scarcely encourage their pretensions towards uxorial bliss. And when Papa banned that game, we came up with prim prolixity.”
“What naughty girls you are,” said Władysław, happily.
They rode into the garrison, and Jeremi Skrzetuski came out to greet them.
“I see someone was brave enough to make you a lieutenant,” said Władysław. “Which is as high as I ever rose before circumstances meant I had to hand in my wings.”
“You were a winged hussar, sir? I always wanted to be, when I was growing up. It was a sad blow when they were disbanded,” said Jeremi.
“Aye, and if they had been updated instead, armed with the new rifles instead of lances, I wager we should still be striking fear into the heart of those black eagles who look eagerly for a weakness to peck,” said Władysław. “That’s been my job of late; keeping control of those who would conspire with the carrion hordes.”
“And I wish you luck,” said Jeremi, soberly.
“Thank you. I have brought your page, as you can see; young Adam Sokoł, who yearns to fly.”
“That’s young Adam? My, you do look a lot healthier,” said Jeremi.
“The Raven and Falcon training appears to be efficacious in terms of both academic excellence and improvement in physical wellbeing,” said Anna-Maria.
“Well, I can recognise those beautiful cadences anywhere,” said Jeremi. “I’m glad you got here. The new captain isn’t very sure of himself and he wasn’t best pleased to be given any hints, so I am being packed off on what is essentially punishment duty with a bunch of green troops to train, spending the summer under canvas.”
“Oh, my,” said Anna-Maria. “I am glad I am thoroughly versed in the art of camping even in adverse conditions of undue precipitation. Will you be running a simulation of wartime conditions with alarums and drills?”
“I need to get them to set up a camp first, but it’s not a half bad idea,” said Jeremi, cheerfully. “We shan’t have any of my friends, though, to boost the troops; our idiot captain stole them for other duties. But I won’t be beaten, and I will return him well-seasoned troops who can outshine his own elites.”
“Patience inside and loud outside,” said Władysław. “If they don’t hate you a little bit, you aren’t doing it right.”
“Martinet. I know. Easier to lighten than tighten; I already wrote and asked Papa Raven,” said Jeremi.
Władysław smiled.
“If you’re not too proud to take advice from that old fox, you will go far,” he said. “I’d ask Jędrek to come as an orderly but he’s too busy pissing about in Prussia, flirting with the king and getting his daughter married off.”
“That sounds a tale and a half.”
“It will be, when he gets back to tell it.”
“I managed to get a good scrounger as my adjutant, one Jaracz Rzędzian, a poor relation of a friend of yours, I believe?”
“Ah, yes, Bolek, who served as a towarzysz with my wife,” said Władysław.
“Our family have maintained an alliance with theirs for a long time,” said Jeremi.
“Yes, we’re distantly related too, I believe,” said Władysław. “Well, Adam! Last chance to back out.”
“I cannot consider that so pusillanimous a position would procure me any advantage,” said Anna-Maria.
Władysław kissed her forehead and left her to it; such things were best embarked upon wholeheartedly, without any cushion of family. He hoped she would enjoy herself.
He was fairly certain that she would do so far more than the hapless recruits.
oOoOo
“I’ll be honest, one reason I asked for you as my page was to have someone Raven-trained as a helper with my green troops, who isn’t someone the captain can cavil over,” said Jeremi. “He took a real dislike to me when I tried to help, and what worries me is that when the camp is over, we are to engage in war games with his crack chosen troop, in front of the colonel, and I think he’s going to go on about me training the lads so I look bad and get chucked out.”
“Did he specify any particular locale whereat to hold this camp and training?” asked Anna-Maria.
“No, he ... are you thinking what I’m thinking?” demanded Jeremi.
Her eyes sparkled.
“Lord Władek has built what he calls ‘The Tower’ to test us, but to train on The Hill and The Wall at Kopiec Kruka would be an advantageous exploitation of this unlooked-for opportunity,” said Anna-Maria. “Moreover, I doubt the residents will be able to resist helping.”
“I’ll write to Lord Mikołaj right away,” said Jeremi. “Tell me about The Tower.”
“Oh! Lord Władek was desirous to provide a challenging obstacle of greater elevation than might be attained by a wooden wall, and consequently engaged the services of steeplejacks who had been applying repairs to the church, with the express desire of a tower with four different faces, of variable difficulty. It also has stairs up inside, for the purpose of rescue by the expedient of depending a rope or rope ladder. The southerly aspect is slanted considerably, for ease of ascent; westerly is full of handholds; easterly is less easy, and northerly is usually referred to with an excess of scatology.”
“Have you climbed it?”
“Yes; I was determined to bring myself to a peak of condition in order to be of most use to you,” said Anna-Maria. “Lady Joanna reckons it comes close to The Wall in challenging the climber.”
“I’ve heard of the legendary Wall,” said Jeremi. “Well. We will get the chance to try it, if Papa Raven is accommodating.”
“Oh, my, are you a spare Raven to be permitted to call Lord Mikołaj ‘Papa Raven’?” asked Anna-Maria.
Jeremi flushed, but laughed.
“Well, perhaps I am being impudent, but I won’t tell if you don’t.”
She giggled.
“Well, I hope he agrees. Do I have to ride with the message?”
“No, I’ll send a sergeant. By the way, what name were you going to take?”
A whimsical smile touched her lips.
“Adam for a first name, having become accustomed to it. I thought around several surnames; Sokoł to acknowledge Lord Władek’s aid, or with a distinct touch of whimsy, Upiorski, but I thought I would merely reference the undead rather than claim the name given to my father by the Hulewiczownie. It occurred to me that to be Adam Duszek, I would be a little ghost, for I don’t really exist at all.”
Jeremi laughed.
“I like it.”
oOoOo
Jeremi regarded his new recruits.
“Well, lads, we’ll be going camping as part of your training,” he said. “You’ve been assigned sleeping quarters, four towarzysze to a room, and I am assuming you’ve organised swapping about to be with convivial company. You should be in three groups of four with one group of three, from the list I have, and perhaps you will move into your groups ... Queen of Poland! Is that a bear?”
The towarzysz was impeccably clad in a red żupan with a fur-trimmed hat, but also had a fur-trimmed face, paws and legs.
“This is Ursyn!” piped the fresh-faced boy beside the bear, young enough not to dwarf him by too much. “I rescued him from a man who was burning his legs to make him dance, and nursed him back to health, and he gets upset if I’m not around.”
“And you are?” asked Jeremi, faintly.
“Sylwan Lasecki,” said the boy. “I hate people who are cruel to animals. Ursyn is quite happy riding in a supply cart, and he’s trained to load and unload things.”[1]
“I see,” said Jeremi. “Has it occurred to you that your fellow towarsysze might not like sharing a tent with him?”
“Oh, no, Jaras and Ludek are fine with it,” said young Lasecki. “Jarosław and Ludwik Bogacki, that is.” He indicated two more youths, one of whom had what might one day be a moustache and the other of whom looked about twelve.
Jeremi looked again.
“Ludwig, go and speak to my page, Adam Duszek, you are not on my list; I have Ursyn Kudła down, however. Really, Pan Shaggy?”
“Don’t you think it an excellent name, Lieutenant?” beamed Lasecki.
“Suitable, anyway,” said Jeremi. The child called Ludek had gone over to Anna-Maria.
“There shouldn’t be a problem, Pan Duszek,” said Ludek. “We have enough to outfit ourselves and our poczty.”
“Indeed, the pecuniary considerations are a small issue, and you are to be felicitated both on your ability to undertake a joint endeavour, and for your willingness to share with a bear, but has it occurred to you that you will need to make arrangements monthly for the relatively covert cleansing of your cloths, not to mention regular laundering of whatever method you use to confine any mammary development and conceal your sex thereby?” said Anna-Maria.
“I ... are you suggesting I am a girl?” said Ludek.
“I thought I made quite plain that your imposture has been penetrated both by the lieutenant and by me. And if your pocztowi include a woman to do your laundry, then I would ask if she would accept remuneration to undertake similar clandestine ablutions of my own underwear.”
Ludek blinked a few times, assimilating Anna-Maria’s meaning.
“You’re a girl too?” she asked.
“I believe the inference was moderately apparent,” said Anna Maria.
“Oh! Are you escaping being married off, too?” asked Ludek.
“In a manner of speaking; my sire’s marital endeavours on my behalf were not to my liking, so my sister and I effected an evasion by joining the Ulans. She is at school, now,” she added. “And the military life suits me. Yes, the lieutenant is fully cognisant with the situation. You may inform your brother so that he is aware that any proximity between us is no kind of seduction or coercion on my part. Are you happy to share with young Lasecki?”
“Oh, he’s no more than a boy and won’t notice,” said Ludek. “And I think he’s sporting enough to go along with it if he finds out. You see, Jaras and I are orphans, and we were afraid that if he was away doing his duty, our rotten cousin, Jerszy, would marry me, and that would be awful. He just drips with slime, you know,” she added.
Anna-Maria nodded; she understood.
“Well, should you encounter any difficulties arising from your subterfuge and misrepresentation of your gender, you can come to me,” she said.
“Oh, thank you,” said Ludek. “My real name is Ludwika and I am known as Ludka, but I am trying to remember to be Ludek, and that I am Bogacki not Bogacka.”
“You will soon manage to remember,” said Anna-Maria, kindly.
Jeremi continued his address.
“We will be undertaking strenuous training at a summer camp, and be pleased we are not winter camping. Adam, you’ve done some winter camping, haven’t you?”
Anna-Maria shuddered.
“Winter camping is, indeed, a challenging and difficult task,” she said. “But I am looking forward with pleased anticipation to a summer camp and in helping you to become a fighting unit. Being Raven-trained, I am fortunate to have certain advantages not given to many youths my age, and I will be available to loan my aid where it might be required.”
“I hope you will feel able to avail yourself of my page’s advice,” said Jeremi. “In the meantime, you will go and pack for a journey and be in readiness to leave within the hour; tents have been brought out for loading onto carts, and if you don’t dawdle, you will have your tents up before it is dark. Heaven help you if you are slow enough that they are not.”
[1] In honour of a Polish bear named Wojciech, who served as a private and later corporal in Anders Army, later The Polish Corps, as a shell-handler in WW2. Older British readers may remember him from his appearances on Blue Peter until his death in 1962 at the age of 21, weighing in at half a ton.
